#156, Half-baked

The other night I was watching Andy Rooney. Like all columnists, I aspire to sit in the shadow of Andy Rooney’s eyebrows someday. Andy only has about a minute or two to harp on one idea. But I found out in this particular episode that he’s just like me. He’s found that essay writing is kind of like cooking. He ends up with a lot of half-baked ideas, leftover ideas and ideas that just can’t quite make a whole main course. His column that day purged a few of them.
Who am I to do differently?
First, in the leftover department: I was talking the other day about Americas shortcutting their communication by—instead of talking—wearing wristbands and bumper stickers and magnetic emblems. What I forgot to say was some marketer should come up with a combo thing. You could buy a “personalized” sentiment package. A wristband, two magnetic ribbons for your car and a flag for your porch all in one full meal deal.
Leftovers are never as good.
And how about your half-baked? The other day I was marveling at the smallness of the Ipod Nano and remarking to my friend, too bad they couldn’t combine that with a cellphone so you’d have one less thing to carry. I mean face it. With his company phone, his personal blackberry, his Ipod and his Mini-gameboy the average wired youth is starting to have a utility belt worthy of Batman. Holy pants sag Robin! Anyhow, next day there’s a commercial for I-tunes on your cellphone.
Heard from a visitor from the other side that Rock-in-Roll heaven has had to go the same way as MTV. They opened up a rap section. Hip Hop and heaven. Oh yeah... The Big Bopper and the Notorious B.I.G.; Tupac Shakur and Buddy Holly; Ritchie Valens and P. Diddy. Oh that’s right, P. Diddy’s not dead yet, he just put his P to rest.
Lastly—and this dish I can’t even bring up to temperature—the governor of the state of Alabama, in a response to the call by President Bush to conserve fuel resources, has decided to cancel two days of school, figuring that the amount saved on busses alone, much less private transport of Alabama munchkins to and fro, will go far towards easing the state energy crisis. There’s your long term thinking for you. Talk about the dumbing down of America. Since when has educating anyone ever been immediately bottom line accountable? Education is an investment in the future. One of these kids might get the inspiration in those two days to invent the first efficient solar battery or something. And who’s gonna pay for the kids childcare during the unplanned holiday? Should the parents stay home and conserve fuel too? Hell, let’s just shut down the whole state. Maybe the governor should replace his limo with a civic hybrid.
It’s enough to send Andy Rooney to curmudgeon heaven.
America ya gotta love it.