#159 Need a ride

Heard an interesting news story a while back. Seems a disabled individual stole a bus. Apparently, this dial-a-ride transit bus was called for a pick-up to a certain hospital or convalescent clinic. When the driver arrived, he went inside. At that point, a recent amputee got into the bus, leaving his wheelchair behind, and drove off. He was caught a little later after not too much ado. Perhaps busses have the mass transit equivalent of Onstar. Do they call it Onboard? Not that it wouldn’t be an easy APB. “Um, 1-Adam 12, we got a dial-a-ride transit bus that’s been misappropriated. What’s the new universal post-Katrina terror code on that? Ah hell, be on the look out for a large square unwieldy vehicle with horrible gas mileage covered with unsightly advertising billboards.” In fact, rumor has it that it was those ubiquitous busboards that both saved and perhaps caused the day. The signs on the side of the bus were described to the surrounding police jurisdictions. And helped apprehend the culprit. But what those signs said in the first place may have actually been the origin of the crime. They implored, for all to see: “Need a ride? Take the bus.”
Signs can get you into trouble. The other day I was showing some color copies to a friend of mine. He asked where I’d got them and I told him “Fed.”
“Fed,” he said, “What the hell is Fed?”
“It’s on Pacific Avenue,” I said, “Over by Albertson’s.”
“I don’t know anyplace called Fed.”
“Sure you do,” I insisted, “It’s the place that used to be Kinkos. They even say so.”
“If you mean Kinkos, why didn’t you say so?” I could see he was getting a little testy.
“Don’t get a little testy with me,” I said, “I told you, it’s called Fed now. I like to be accurate. But they’re also are trying to help nimrods like you caused they mention right in their sign that they’re the ex-Kinkos.”
“Their sign says they used to be Kinkos?”
“I guess,” I said sarcastically, “Ex-Kinkos means used to be Kinkos I’m guessing.”
“Then where’d you get the Fed thing?” he asked.
It was my turn to be a little testy. “The same dang sign.”
A light seemed to go off in his head. “I’m from Missouri,” he said, “Show me.”
So we got into my car and drove up Pacific. I pointed to the sign in triumph. “See,” I gloated. “Fed, and then they tell you right there. ex-Kinkos.”
“Um Funny Guy,” he said quietly, “I think you need to read the sign quicker. I believe it says: Fed-ex Kinkos.”
Oops. Time for a quick escape. Where’s a bus when you need one?
America ya gotta love it.