Monday, March 22, 2010

#1209 Choice Words

I like having a choice on things. With choice comes a sense of personal power. I may not always do anything with my choice; I just like to have it.
Like the other evening, I was at a restaurant and on a whim I decided to have a gourmet hamburger. The first thing the waitress asked was how I would like it done. I was overjoyed. I actually, really, honestly, had a choice to have a burger cooked my way.
Should I choose “rare,” dripping with juices and blood and flavor? My inner carnivore reared up with a roar. Should it be “medium rare,” still carnivorous but easier on the napkin usage?
I’d noticed the napkins in the place were cloth, which was great, as killing less trees was involved in my cow-killing meal, but not that great, as the napkins had an extra batch of starch from the commercial laundry and were incredibly stiff.
So stiff, the edges were sharp enough to give me a paper cut under my mustache.
So, no to the rare, possible to the medium rare. Maybe I should choose “well done.” Certainly the choice preferred by the e-coli paranoid among us. The safe, hygienic alternative when eating processed red meat.
Unfortunately, ultimate safety when eating what amounts to a cardiac infarction patty is not the reason we eat gourmet burgers. The most well done thing about a well-done burger is the flavor is well done in.
As in, retired for the evening.
So I finally settled on a choice. And the choice was “medium.” Less chance of bacteria, less messy and bloody, a compromise between flavor and safety.
In other words, not much of a choice at all.
It’s like asking would you like to be a great person or an utter failure.
Um, I’ll pick average.
Is that a good idea? I don’t know. As Napoleon said, “Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.”
On the other hand, at least when I’m obscure the wackos won’t get jealous and try to knock me off.
And I’ll be able to keep choosing the middle ground.
America, ya gotta love it.

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