2202 Flasher

Ah, technology. I love the way it goes around to what comes around. This great circle of life we call modern times reinventing the wheel of olden times.

So it is with a new app called Spritz. According to PCMag.com, it's promising to help readers eventually read at a rate of 1,000 words a minute. It does this by flashing words one at a time on your device.

I know, sounds like a miniature teleprompter. What could go wrong, San Diego?

But it's not just about flashing. According to them it also eliminates time-consuming eye movement, allowing the "brain to focus on each word, promoting faster reading and higher information retention."

Dude. I'll sign on for higher information retention. Since I've reached the age where even when I'm talking beginning every sentence is an adventure, not sure if I'll reach the period at the end before my mind wanders off, this sounds like a great opportunity to, um... what was I saying?

Anyhow, the Spritz makers also promise to reduce arm and finger fatigue, by eliminating "the inconvenience of scrolling, swiping, squinting, and pinching to read on your devices."

Because, you know, we're burning so many other calories in our obese sedentary lifestyles that we can afford to not burn the miniscule amount we got from genuflecting at our devices. Just lean back in your recliner and have your Kindle flash you.

Funny thing, I already have a device that I can read one word at a time and not scroll, pinch, swipe, or squint.

It's called a book.

Oh sure, I have to go through the incredibly exhausting process of turning a page once in a while but that's the price you pay for superior technology.

Because bonus. It requires no batteries...

America, ya gotta love it.