2018 Porking Regulations

     Not long ago I was drinking from one of those new insulated hard plastic cups. The ones that are made from a couple of different layers of plastic in such a way that they don't sweat. The cup that is, not the makers of the cup. On the bottom of the cup I noticed the words, "Contains no BPA. Made in China."
     So, you know, I completely trusted that it contained no BPA. BTW, can something contain something when it's 100% something? If I'm all water do I contain water? Or do I have to be something else to contain something inside me?
     Such philosophical conundrums aside, the trust factor was what got me. Too much news about imported toys containing lead and baby formula containing melamine, not to mention lamb meat containing rat, led me to conclude I had no ironclad guarantee there wasn't BPA or some toxic heavy metal laced in the molecules of the cup components.
     So it was with great trepidation that I read that our nation's largest pork producer, Smithfield Foods, was being bought out by a large Chinese firm. And they aren't just buying a piece, like many Chinese companies have done with many American companies, with Smithfield they're going whole hog.
     Why do I think the additives in bacon just became even more problematic? Pork products generally require secret processing methods we've chosen to ignore since the jungley days of Upton Sinclair. Does the Chinese track record in this regard inspire confidence in your new Smithfield sausage?
     If melamine affects the taste of your bacon, it's bad. If lead'll be adding heft to your holiday crystal, and your holiday ham, it's worse.
     And if you're suspicious of the scent of your sausage, and you indeed smell a rat?
     That's wurst.
     America, ya gotta love it.