1835 Pet Procession

In America we love our pets. The evolution of pethood has come a long way. To providing shelter for cats so they'll hunt barn mice, or cave mice as the case was, to having mongrel wolf-like things handy so they could occasionally fill out a stew pot with four-legged protein, the pet has risen to a level of household royalty never imagined by our primitive forbears.
And now it's not just here that pets are taking first place in a family's affections. It's the hereafter too. Eric Spitznagle in Bloomberg magazine recently explained how much.
("Spitznagel." Isn't that a cross between a Shih-Tzu and a Weimaraner?)
Anyhow, Spitzy said the pet funeral business is growing by leaps and bounds, with over 700 funeral homes, cemeteries and crematories nationwide. A pet crematory... Thank god they found a use for the bankrupt teriyaki grill.
Bob Walczyk, who owns funeral homes for both pets and humans (separately...) says his pet funeral sales have risen 524% since 2003.
The owner's devotion for their pets exceeds the devotion to their human loved ones. Bob says, "When I tell them how much it is to cremate their grandfather, it's never cheap enough, but when the same family brings their dog next door, they don't even ask about money."
Why am I not surprised? In a land that created Little Caesar and Fancy Feast pet food. Whose owners blithely follow along behind their pets and hand-pick their poo. Who pillory a potential presidential potentate for utilizing a rooftop carrier. Why not drive the family into debt to send off Fido to the great pet park in the sky?
Where's the humanity?
Me, I'll just take the old pooch to the pound and donate that $1000 to the starving children's fund.
Sparky would have wanted it that way...
America, ya gotta love it.