1513 Pro-Coffee

More good prostate news. Or at least I think so. Turns out there's a recently discovered benefit from drinking coffee. It lowers the risk of prostate cancer.
But before you go out and celebrate with an extra large chocolah’tay mocha latte, there's some potential downside as well. Turns out in order to have a measurable prostate effect, you need to drink the equivalent of 8 cups of coffee a day.
And that might lead to other health issues. Or maybe road safety issues, as it's bound to make you very fidgety when you're driving.
Scientists aren't entirely sure why gulping mega-mugs of joe may help but there are a couple of theories. And no, one isn't that frequent urination cleans the pipes. Though I do worry about caffeine-induced kidney collapse.
But there is the theory that the antioxidants in the coffee bean itself may have a positive effect. You don't think of coffee and antioxidants, but it actually has a lot. It is a fruit after all, and fruits are good for that sort of thing.
Another theory perking through the press attributes coffee's prostate healthifying to the suppression of testosterone. Caffeine takes testosterone out of the blood by increasing the action of SHBG, Sex Hormone Binding Globulin. Upshot is, the more coffee you drink, the less testosterone you have floating around causing damage to your prostate and other stuff, like making your hair fall out.
The only price you pay is reduced sex drive. But hey, who needs to worry about that? With all that caffeine, you're staying up all night alone anyhow and there are lots of online video games to channel all that energy.
And virtual life girlfriends don't care about your prostate either way. My virtual girl’s name is Vente…
America, ya gotta love it.