1454 Four Horses

Not long ago federal regulators decided it was time to interfere with free enterprise, and banned a certain caffeine and alcohol blend known as Four Loco. Why the feds decided they had to intervene in the lifestyle of any individual demented enough to buy a product that promised it would make you loco and/or crazy four times over is beyond me.
Oh yeah. It killed people.
For those harsh enough to invoke in rebuttal the possible society-improving effects of Darwin, consider that at the very least, wide-awake drunks are still drunks and have the power to kill the rest of us, so Four Loco was a clear and present threat to society.
So what did they do with all the Four Loco? Pour it out? Nope. There’s the environmental hazard too, so they disposed of it responsibly. They recycled it.
The company that took it not only recycled the aluminum cans it came in, but found a great use for the Four Loco itself.
Car fuel.
Yep, it’s not that great a chemical leap from alcohol to ethanol and ethanol makes great fuel. One only hopes they took out the caffeine. We wouldn’t want your car to get a little hyper.
Bad enough the crowded freeway leads to road rage of the drivers. The last thing we want is a caffeine-fueled short-tempered car. Your Testarossa becoming just plain Testy. Worse, you’d hate to see cars at red lights being, um, fidgety.
Then there’s the whole complicated subject of a caffeine crash. Wake up and smell the Four Loco, I think we got grounds for some serious lawsuits down the pike.
So, is the new Four Loco-enhanced ethanol going to add an extra crazy four horsepower to your rig?
Hmm...Where have I heard the term four horses before?
Something about an apocalypse...
America, ya gotta love it.