1446 All A-Jackian

Got a big circular in the mail the other day. They call them circulars because that’s the file they’re immediately headed for. Except this one. I saved it for awhile because it had pretty pictures.
Of Burgers.
I love the pictures of burgers the big fast food companies put out. They never, ever, look like the real thing you get when you order one. Ah, the photographic arts. Who would have thought a picture that looks like hyperrealism could represent something that when you unwrap it looks like abstract expressionism. A big shapeless blob of meat, bun, and Jackson Pollackian cheese-smeared condiments.
This picture was for the new Jack-In-The–Box product, the “All-American Jack.” The All-American Jack is supposed to be a classic concoction made up of two burger patties, three slices of cheese, pickles, tomatoes, lettuce, condiments and a sesame seed bun.
Excuse me, sesame as in “Open Sesame,” the classic line from, um, Arabian Nights?
Oh yeah, that Ali Baba guy. He and Yankee Doodle made a mean macaroni-festooned falafel.
Dig a little deeper into the ingredients of the All-American Jack and similar revelations await. The burger, of course, named after the Hamburger, from Hamburg Germany. The sesame on the bun, as I mentioned, of Arabic origin, or at least reputation.
The condiments? Let’s see. Mayonnaise. Uh oh. How did a French sauce get stuck on an American burger? They never stick with us for anything. And the ketchup, of course, originated in India.
And then there’s the cheese. Two of the slices of cheese are actual American Cheese. But the other slice? Swiss. Makes ya wanna yodel for joy.
At least it’s melted. That’s the one truly American thing about this burger. Everything’s mushed together.
It’s like a melting pot...on a bun.
America, ya gotta love it.