1408 All Allergy

With the recent holidays came lots of gifts of food. From fresh fruit, to nuts, to things festively shaped in balls, loaves, and logs, the holidays are a time of packing on the poundage. Some ancient urge to put on a winter coat of insulation added to a current culture of constant consumption. The results will keep the New Years resolution-filled health clubs going for the next 3 fortnights.

Holiday goodies give me an opportunity to read lots of food panel labels. And I’m always amazed at the disclaimers. Partly because mounds of things like “Moose Crunch” challenge the description of a “serving amount.” If some of the candy-coated popcorn contains almonds or peanuts or sugar-encrusted chocolate clusters who’s to say which serving is more calorie-loaded than another?

But my favorite items were these chocolate-covered dried cherries made by the Harry and David Company. Of course they had to list all the allergens said pellets of poison could contain. But it bordered on the ridiculous.

They contained soy. Also milk. And then they had one of my favorite catch-all lawsuit-preventive disclaimers. “May contain peanuts and/or trace amounts of allergens not listed in ingredients.” Well that pretty much covers it. If you’re allergic to anything, don’t buy this product.

But it opens up the question of plant hygiene at old Harry and David. Don’t they know? Is there a David side that keeps secrets from the Harry side? What are these mysterious other allergens in trace amounts? Cause, you know, I’m pretty allergic to pet dander. And cat hair.

The final disclaimer got me the most. It said: “May Contain Pits” Hmmm. It’s either because the product had dried cherries at its core.

Or it was processed in the Harry locker room.

America, ya gotta love it.