1310 Mr. Dragon

We all have trigger foods. Those foods over which we can exercise no control. Put one in your mouth and a thousand follow. If only mine were rice.
But no, my personal downfall is Doritos. One chip and I’m off the wagon. I need to steer clear of them altogether or at worst, buy one of those little expensive-per-ounce 99-cent bags. At least then I stop when I hit the end of the bag.
Normally, any flavor Doritos is good enough to send me into a diet-busting caloric tailspin. The junkfood researchers at Frito-Lay must be among the highest paid in the business. But even the mighty can fall. The most recent Doritos flavor I ran across in a convenience store may lay a commercial egg.
The flavor is called “Mr. Dragon’s Fire Chips.”
First mistake. Never call any food product Mr. Anything. Sounds too much like a pet name for your, um, pet or something.
Second, the secret fire flavor of Mr. Dragon’s Fire Chips is horseradish-wasabi. Horseradish, love it as I do, is not hot and spicy Mexican salsa chili hot and spicy. It’s Japanese burn your nose with a hot poker spicy. Wasabi is not a corn chip flavor. It’s a perk up bland raw fish flavor. I get fish tacos. Sushi Tostadas? I don’t think so.
And unfortunately, wasabi is the wrong color too. The pictures of the chips on the bag and the actual chips in the bag are smudged and speckled with this scary green stuff. It looks unappetizingly like um, breadmold.
Yum.
And lastly, “Dorito-breath” is legend as a bad breath alternative. So is the old phrase “dragon breath.” Is the Frito-Lay marketing department ready to counter “Mr. Dragon Dorito-breath”?
Let the chips fall where they may.
America, ya gotta love it.