1302 Pampering

It’s no wonder the third world hates Western culture. In lands where they hike 10 miles a day just to get disease-laden water do you think they understand things like throwaway super-absorbent paper diapers? Probably not. They’ll probably understand the next item even less.
You can now go to Target and get designer Pampers. That’s right. They’re part of the new Cynthia Rowley collection. Wastestream-choking bunhuggers now feature pastels, stripes, madras, and ruffles.
I guess if they’re going to molder in the landfill for millennia, they may as well look good.
And Lord knows, we all love to pay extra for our throwaways. They retail for $15.99 for a package of 2 dozen, about $6.00 more than plain white. Who wouldn’t pay an extra quarter for style? So what if you go through a bunch of them a day.
And really, designer Pampers are about all they can do to change up Pamper style. It’s not like they can do low-rise or bikini briefs. And they found Pamper boxers just don’t cut the mustard.
Another reason third-worlders hate Westerners? The new Mercedes convertible. This is an amazingly indulgent automobile. It’s the comfortable convertible. Because it has two very anti-convertible features. One: An airfoil that rises above the front windshield to create an “air-cap” so riders in the front and back seats don’t get their hair mussed by the pesky wind. And two: Air vents in the seats’ headrests that blow warm air on your neck. Convertibles can get so chilly, you know.
You want to look cool in a convertible. Not feel that way.
A convertible that doesn’t feel like you’re driving a convertible. We have arrived.
When it comes to pampering, the West has it wrapped.
America, ya gotta love it.