#1039 You’re Rogaine

Vanity is an interesting thing. Especially when it comes to men. Some things we don’t care about. Other things we care about a lot.
Like underwear and hair.
Recently, economists asserted that the state of men’s underwear is a great indicator of the direction of the economy. They were backed up by none other than the great Alan Greenspan, former revered head of the Fed, and self-confessed failure when it came to seeing how much personal greed can game the system.
His underwear insights bear repeating. Briefly, they go like this. Men’s skivvies are one of his least vain appurtenances. As no one sees them, their progressive rattiness is not a pressing concern. So if he has to make changes to his bottom line, underwear will be the first to fall.
Currently sales in underwear have stopped sliding. They seem to be tightly hugging a certain range. Economists tell us we can expect an economic turnaround only when underwear begins to creep back up.
Hey, maybe we can accelerate the creep if we force a run on thongs.
It’s on top that men expend their most worry. I saw an interesting ad for a hair growth product the other day, Rogaine Foam. They said the foam makes it “easier to use.”
What? Rubbing on lotion was tougher than rubbing on foam? It’s not like we’re installing our own hair plugs. We’re rubbing on some liquid. How lazy do they think we are? We may be vain but that doesn’t make us weak.
Still, a full head of hair leads men to amazing compromises. Like taking a drug whose original design was to shrink the prostate. When the drug first went into use, many men noticed an increase in head hair.
Nanoseconds later, a hair drug came out. The first drug was for prostate shrinkage and its side effect was hair growth. The second drug was for hair growth and its side effect was prostate shrinkage.
There are no side effects.
The real effect of both is less testosterone in your system. Testosterone causes both hair loss and prostate enlargement.
So vanity makes men who want to seem more manly emasculate themselves chemically.
Oh, the insanity of vanity.
America, ya gotta love it.