#893 Guacamousse

So I was looking at my conditioner bottle the other day. Specifically at its ingredients label. The name of the conditioner was Garnier Fructis so I should have expected something exotic.
Yep.
The label was at great pains to point out that Garnier Fructis has a new “Sleek and Shine System.” The net effect of the “Sleek and Shine System” is to tame “frizz” so your hair stays “sleek” all day.
Well, Lord knows, with global warming and world hunger, it’s pretty important we keep our hair sleek.
I mention world hunger because the other thing Garnier Fructis does for your hair is supply it with nutrients. Or as they put it, “Nutritive Fruit Micro-oils.”
Yeah, good thing. If you can’t supply nutrients to starving children, by all means slather them on your hair.
They also add vitamins to your hair in the form of Vitamin B-3 and Vitamin B-6. As Vitamin B-6 is often mentioned in terms of mental health, I’m guessing it makes your hair more alert. That leaves me to conclude that Vitamin B-3 is the sleekness vitamin.
It always amazes me what we are willing to believe will affect the layered and stacked dead cells sprouting from our heads. The ingredient list shows they have also added extracts of lemon, apple, sugar cane and camellia. A veritable cornucopia of dead vegetative matter to add to your dead protein sprouts.
But they especially point out two Nutritive Fruit Micro-Oils —Apricot and Avocado oil. Apricots are really sticky so I hope they get the apricot oil from the pits. Maybe since they are no longer curing cancer, the company bought them up cheap and we can put them to good use on our limpid locks.
But what were they thinking with avocado? How did this even get suggested and tested? Did someone have a guacamole accident? Fell into a bowl of it at a party?
And when she rinsed it out said, “Wow, no frizzing!”
I hoping they’ll come out with a Guacamole Mousse.
I can take that to my next tailgate potluck, with a can of cheese wiz.
“Dude, this cheese and mousse action is tasty...and sleek.”
America, ya gotta love it.