#881 What’s in a Name

What’s in a name? Apparently a lot. I once had a girlfriend break up with me because of it.
“But why,” I said. She said it was because she was suffering from agoraphobia. “Fear of open spaces?” I asked.
“No, acrophobia.”
“Fear of heights?”
“No,” she finally enunciated, agriphobia—fear of farmers.”
As my last name is Farmer, it all made sense. I didn’t like her anyway. She mumbled. And didn’t like sowing seeds and stuff.
But tell me this—Why does the word adult sound so different when you say “adult mobile home park” and when you say “adult video store”? We get a whole different idea of adult don’t we? Or try this—“adult community” and “adult toys.”
I’m guessing different adults are involved.
The other day I saw some political candidate talking to “Joe Sixpack.”
And I thought, there’s a name to inspire patriotism.
Joe Sixpack, the iconic barcolounger-addicted lazy dude who hammers down a sixpack every game. Doesn’t matter the game, doesn’t matter the beer, just got that sixpack habit that keeps him glued to the TV sucking back brewskies.
Now really. Was this the guy out at Valley Forge suffering for the birth of our country? Was this the guy who went south in the Civil War and fought bravely to keep our nation together and stop the slavery of one man to another?
Or is this the guy who unconsciously flies the flag of the secessionist traitors to the Union and screams out a rebel yell as he chugalugs a forty?
And the big question—are you going to be able to get his fat keester up off the couch to vote?
Lastly—I heard an announcement for the Cub Scouts the other day and it occurred to me. You only get to be a human being for awhile in the organization, and it’s in the middle. You got your Cub Scout for the little kids. Then you’re a human Boy Scout and then you’re an Eagle Scout.
I suppose it’s a good idea. “Man Scout” sounds weird.
And who knows what an “adult” scout might be.
America, ya gotta love it.