#776 Ouse

I must be getting to that old fart age. I seem to give young people unasked for advice. And, unfortunately, I seem to approach it as if I occupy some lofty perch and am dispensing pearls of wisdom, and not unwanted puffs of hot air.
The other day a young person had done a job at the studio. He had filled some holes with concrete. “I probably shouldn’t have to put a warning around the holes,” he said, “it’s pretty obvious it’s wet concrete.”
“When it comes to people’s intelligence,” I intoned, “always assume the lowest common denominator. People will go out of their way to find a way to be stupid.” I then placed chairs over the tops of the holes.
I was sure the wisdom-dispensing thing was old fartile the next day. The same young man wondered aloud why no one had carved his or her name in the wet cement.
“Age.” I said, “You know you’re getting older when having fun is too much work.”
But there’s still lots I don’t understand. Like the other day I heard someone instructing members of an organization on how they should register their spouses. And I wondered, is that the nicest word we have for someone we’re married to? Spouse?
The synonym suggester in my Word program doesn’t help.
One suggestion is, “other half.” Obviously unwieldy. Would all members please register their other halves?
It also suggests “wife” or “husband.” Again unwieldy—like our language’s possessive pronoun plural paucity “his and her”.
Another suggestion is “next of kin.” What is this, an Arkansas synonym program? I’d like to introduce my lovely next of kin to whom I is married.
Its last suggestion is “partner.” Sorry, sounds like a business arrangement. I’m surprised it didn’t suggest mate. But of course mating need not involve marriage.
So we are stuck with the thoroughly unromantic sounding “spouse.” Which, unfortunately, rhymes with the even less romantic louse and mouse.
Sounds like a bad game show question: Which of these three similar sounding things is often considered the most intimate domestic pest?
Mouse, louse, or spouse?
America, ya gotta love it.