#747 Infertile Fabric

I was reading a science magazine and they had a small humorous article about a strange experiment done by an Egyptian researcher. Seems he determined that polyester pants affected ones ability to have sexual relations.
He thought it may be because the polyester sets up an electrostatic field next to the genitals and prevented arousal or something.
The article didn’t completely explain since its writer was intent on making a joke at the researcher’s expense. Because, to prove his hypothesis, the researcher dressed his rats in polyester pants. The article writer proposed that the rats’ dysfunction may have been directly related to how funny they looked in the little pants.
But the researcher dressed the rats in pants of not only polyester, but of cotton and wool too. So really, all his rats looked funny. But the ones in cotton and wool were still more successful sexually than those in polyester.
I read the article and one word came to my mind: Disco. Oh ho, I thinks, finally an explanation for the Bee Gees’ falsetto. Staying Alive indeed, but not as a species.
But that’s just disco snobbery. In the movie, John Travolta was depicted as quite the wolf, literally not in sheep’s clothing, as his white polyester suit got him lots of attention from the opposite sex.
My theory is that the rats in question, should they have been able to get out of the little pants and actually get, as they say, jiggy with it, may have been hampered by the polyester for a couple of reasons.
Maybe the polyester was harder to take off. Polyester doesn’t breathe as well. And rat claws may have snagged on its clammy surface. Dry, smooth, cotton and wool are easier for a rat to shuck. And pant-shucking speed is crucial to one night rat stands.
Or maybe the polyester led to chafing. Who’s in the mood when they’re chafed?
Perhaps if the researcher had used more modern polyester fabrications, like relatively breathable polar fleece, his results would have changed.
Okay. He should write a new grant.
Maybe the synthetic textile industry would kick in on this one.
America, ya gotta love it.