#735 Eeyew

Time changes so much. Circumstances alter. Knowledge illuminates. And suddenly the milk of a brilliant inspiration curdles into the lumps of an appalling lack of judgment.
Life turns things cheesy.
As I look back on my past, I am sometimes amazed at what I survived. When I look at some of those lapses of good sense I can only repeat what I hope is my epitaph: It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And so must the great Disney Corporation feel. My son recently said he was going down to Disneyland and we were trying to figure out, between our spotty memories, when we were there last. We remembered other times too, and the era and the feature Disney would rather forget.
It was a Tomorrowland spectacular. Produced by the great George Lucas. Directed by Francis Ford Coppala. Music by James Horner. An incredible technological breakthrough. Amazing special effects. Surround sound. And most of all, an unbelievable 3-D experience.
We believed the hype and went. The lines lasted all day, like they do at every new Disney attraction.
And, of course, the 3-D experience was ruined. By what always ruins 3-D—some tall fellow with a big head sitting right in front of me.
From my sight line, none of the really cool and surprising images could get through his noggin. I could only pray that someday I’d come back to an empty theatre to get the full effect.
Of course that wasn’t to be. Disney cancelled it. They’d made one crucial mistake. They had picked the hottest children’s pop star to be the main character in their movie.
And they named him Caption Eo.
Little did they know the Captain’s face would soon undergo some special effects work of its own. And little did they know it soon wouldn’t be considered good taste to mention this actor’s name and children’s better welfare in the same sentence.
The dancing gyrating captain of the screen eventually built a fantasyland of his own for kids. Because Michael Jackson loved the magic. And he loved the kids.
But that didn’t stop Captain Eo from becoming Captain Eeyew....
America, ya gotta love it.