#737 Eternal Resthome

So what’s the deal with old people and trees?
Lately it seems like I’ve encountered a lot of those vans from old folks homes. Excuse me, “retirement living communities.” When I was a young whippersnapper I worked in a “convalescent hospital.” We didn’t call them old folks homes then either.
It seemed kind of stupid. Convalescent home was wrong too. Convalescent is a word that implies people are recovering from an injury or sickness of some sort.
People don’t recover from old age.
So we’ve gone from “old folks home” to “convalescent hospital” to “rest home” to “retirement home” to “retirement living community.” With an assisted living facility thrown in. I’ve gotten older just reading the list.
In any event, as part of the “community” spirit most of these places have vans that take their tenants out into the community at large to shop, stroll in the park, and gamble at the casinos. Naturally, as is the case in the 21st century for any relatively large flat moving surface, the vans are plastered with advertisements for the name of the retirement community in question.
So I’ve noticed a number of oddly similar names on these vans. The Firs, Sequoia, Woodland—and there’ll all related to trees. Even the place called Eagle’s Landing is related.
Where do eagles land?
In a tree.
So what is it about old people and trees? Is it because they both have roots that stretch deep into the ground of the community? Is it because they both inspire notions of resolute strength and nobility?
Is it because they’ve got the bark on—an old phrase indicating rawness and no shilly-shallying namby-pamby tolerance for social niceties and BS. And a splintery disposition.
Is it because a wooded glade conjures up visions of peace and serenity?
Is it because they both creak in a windstorm?
Is it because they both break wind?
One unfortunate thing in our community, in the business white pages, you’ll find Woodland Retirement Community listed right before Woodlawn funeral home.
Shouldn’t that be Woodlawn Funeral Community?
Woodland woodlawn. Wow. Only two letters away from being planted… America, ya gotta love it.