#728 En-buy-ronmental

America has turned a corner. I heard a news story the other day that proved it once and for all. The state has dedicated a certain amount of money to helping private industry create a number of “green collar” jobs by 2010.
That’s right, I said green collar.
I’m hoping they don’t mean that caked, slightly slimy, green collar I get on my gardening shirt. That combination of weeds, grass clippings and the late winter flu season’s mucoid deposits that is so crusty I can’t even shout it out.
Nah, it’s the new “green” branding. Everybody loves green. Puget Sound Energy is on the bandwagon for green energy sources. Cities are using only green power, and the building industry is rapidly throwing up green homes in areas recently denuded of 100-year-old formerly green trees.
Let’s hope they’re not using green lumber when they do it. Sheetrock nails will be popping out like St Paddy’s day green popcorn.
Poor St Paddy’s day. They once had a monopoly on green products. Green beer, green costumes. Getting green around the gills from too much green beer. Which combined to make their collars green too.
So a green collar job could be an Irish bartender I suppose. Especially if he makes his drunk patrons walk home instead of drive.
I see a lot of those involuntarily green former drunken drivers on bicycles these days. DUI folks who’ve had their license taken away but still need to get back and forth to work. They’re pretty easy to spot. Uncomfortable in the saddle and they just wear street clothes. You’ll never see a DUIey biker in spandex bike shorts.
For one thing, the outline of their stashed flask is all too visible.
Anyhow, this green stuff is pretty cool. Especially the way it’s been embraced by the business community. Who would have thought it would have grown up under a Republican administration that started out scorning everything environmental as a crazy business impediment thrown up by “tree huggers.”
Business has seen the profit potential of—dare I say it?—
en-buy-ronmentalism.
And that most important green stuff under every green collar.
Greenbacks.
America, ya gotta love it.