#726 Extra-maritile

Science has long involved itself in the study of the mating patterns of all sorts of species. Since Darwin, and the conclusion that species do things to insure the success of future generations, science has delved even deeper into the study of reproductive strategies—with sometimes interesting results.
Sex is preceded in many species by dances, gyrations and rituals of foreplay. Of these, it has been more or less determined that humans and only one other species engage in French kissing.
Or “Freedom kissing” as I like to call it every time the rightwing gets upset with the French.
I’m not sure what the scientists call it, Franco-osculation, or lingua-proxima, or tongus-touchimous, but I certainly know that it’s wrong to conclude all species but one fail to engage in it. After all, that assertion has to be limited by the fact that not all species have tongues.
I mean, maybe an amoeba actually does French kiss but on a blobular cellular level. Forming a temporary tongue and sticking it in a temporary mouth preparatory to splitting.
The other species that does it, by the way, is the white-fronted parrot. After the birds open their beaks and make contact with each other’s tongues, the male vomits on the female’s chest.
Apparently, parrots are the only other bulimics as well.
But I got to say, that’s the kind of thing to get me in the mood. Chest-chucking. Talk about a reproductive success strategy.
And speaking of which, here’s an interesting factoid. Genetic testing has determined that monogamy is rare too. Or at least fidelity. 99% of mammals never form lasting pair bonds, and those that do continue to bear illegitimate offspring, as many as 80% in the supposedly monogamous red fox.
The reason, scientists say, is that with every copulation the female increases the chances of getting access to better genes.
And these genes will make her look fat. As in pregnant with better offspring.
So monogamy ain’t common and even when it happens it’s filled with lying, cheating, and sleeping around.
And that’s the strangest thing of all.
Who would have thought scientists would ever agree with country western songwriters?
America, ya gotta love it.