#660 Yarr Ear Swabbie

The Q-tip company is the caretaker of one of the most pervasive polite fictions of our age. Kind of a Santa Claus for adults. Because we all know Q-tips are “not to be inserted in your ear canal.”
Wink wink.
Long before this litigious period of our history the Q-tip manufacturer, cautioned users not to stick Q-tips into their ear canals.
Yet, you know and I know, that’s exactly what they do. How else to wipe loose that errant piece of earwax?
Oh sure, Q-tips are great for cleaning the convolutions of the exterior ear as well. But we all know what they’re really for.
Still, it’s a limited use¾and one they actually tell people not to do¾so how does the company push more product?
Re-branding.
The ad agency for the new generation of Q-tip purveyors, the ear apparents as it were, have given us a list of other things that Q-tips are good for.
Broadening the category. Establishing a more horizontal product presence.
Some excerpts from the new packaging: “Q-tips have more cotton at the tip than any other cotton swab!” Apparently the product in question’s official name is not Q-tip but swab.
Swab.
As in “swab the decks matie.” Or perhaps “clear the decks swabbie.”
These “swabs” are now the self-proclaimed “...Ultimate beauty tool... for safely and precisely applying, blending, touching up, and removing cosmetics.”
Throw away the brushes Estee Lauder, bring out the ear cleaners.
Even more great Q-tip ideas: “Baby care: Delicately care for sensitive areas.” On this blurb they show a picture of a giant Q-tip heading for a baby’s eye. Disturbingly, no adult appears to be holding it.
“Electronics: Clean and dust even hard to reach areas.” A picture shows keyboard cracks. Finally, a tool to remove Doritos crumbs.
And lastly, perhaps to justify the swab name, they suggest you use Q-tips—in their words—“for all household cleaning”.
Yeah, next time I have a century to mop the floor I’ll bust out the Q-tips. And let’s not forget that stubborn toilet ring.
Sometimes rebranding is stupid.
You just want to tell Madison Avenue to stick it in their ear...
America, ya gotta love it