#429 Building

They said that the smoking ban was going to devastate our economy. Who would have thought it would spawn a mini-construction industry boom? It was funny to watch the progression. It was kind of like a toddler testing a rule. How much can I get away with before you slap me down. First, the taverns built a little lean-to arrangement. It was the designated 25 feet from the entrance to the tavern and it was not enclosed. Okay so far. The letter of the law was honored. But like many things in this country the spirit of the law was totally ignored. Situational ethics took over and the law, like always, was ever so ineffective when it came to personal decisions, proving once again that you can’t legislate morality. Smoking in an enclosed area joined casual marijuana use and moonshining as a great American illegal pastime. The buildings continue to get more and more enclosed. I drove by one tavern the other day. It used to be a fenced yard with a lean-to. Then they put up one of those metal garage things. Kind of like you see over RVs in the country, only without the blue tarp. The tavern’s fence has been filled in too. It’s a pretty darn solid wood fence now. A little sheetrock and texture and it would make the leap from fence to wall in less time than it takes to hack out a puff. And now it looks like the tavern has put up a metal windscreen of the same material as the shed. To keep out those high swirling 60 mile-an-hour gusts. Of course it goes without saying the place is loaded with those propane standup heaters you see at all the outdoor restaurants down by the bay in the summer. It just goes to show, where there’s a will there’s a way. And the will to poison yourself till you die an excruciating death from lung cancer or emphysema is a strong will indeed. But at least the non-smokers don’t have to be punished by going out to the shed. Only the people who voluntarily want to punish themselves. Hey Dad, can I cut my own willow switch, can I, huh, huh, can I? We’ve come a long way from four out of five doctors recommend Camels. Now the one doctor that survived is treating the widows of all the rest. And they’re still smoking too. Somehow they got the chance-in-a-million gene that makes them into the one anecdotal person smokers are always pointing out: Well my Aunt Millie smoked three packs a day and she lived to be a hundred. Didn’t even cough. The really bad thing is the bureaucratic building departments are going to have to be expanded to cover the enforcement of what is and what isn’t a building. Does four walls a building make? A roof and wind screen? An enclosed heating source? Or is it like a church? Is the thing that defines it not the building but the congregation itself? A common spirit. Yeah. That’s the new Native American cigarette isn’t it? Spirit. You know, four out of five shamans recommend Spirits.
America, ya gotta love it.