#413 Concentrated Orange

There’s a couple that wants to reinvent the G.O.P and make love not war its credo. Actually, they might be using the acronym GOP—as in gop. Cause gop is the sound some people make when they arrive at the conclusion of their, um, personal encounters. I’m not comfortable using the word that these people are using to describe their upcoming event so I’ll just use a substitute. Hmm, organism is too long although it sounds similar. I remember trying to check out the book “The Myth of the Female Organism” one time and having the librarian look at me funny. That’s one good thing about Amazon.com. Even though it’s named after a mythical Greek tribe of terrifying formidable women, it sure cuts down on something far more fearsome, prissy librarians. In any event, talking about people having long and pleasurable organisms would get too confusing. So I’ll just call them oranges. Everybody likes an orange. And sometimes, when they get to the sweetest part of the orange, they say gop. Sometimes, according to the organizers of this event, they reach a meditative, religious, and peaceful state. So the organizers want people to make love on the winter solstice and use that love to bring about world peace. Donna Sheehan, age 76, and Paul Reffell, age 55, want everyone to have an, um, orange on December 22, but do it while focusing on world peace, and if necessary baseball statistics. Sheehan was the lady who was behind getting fifty women to strip naked in 2002 and spell out the word “peace” which spawned a mini-movement called Baring Witness. Which, I guess, seeks to em-bare-ass people into doing things. Even in this day of bedroom webcams, nudity is an attention getter. So they call their event Global, um, Orange for Peace. Or GOP. Move over Ralph Reed, I think this kind of evangelism could catch on in more than a charismatic way. This would make even Karl’s thoughts rove to a different type of liberation. Interest appears strong in the Global Orange for Peace event with over 26,000 hits a day to their website at you guessed it, globalorange dot org. What else? (I knew that’s what org stood for.) But think of the spam you’re gonna get after visiting that website—Global investments, Global Viagra, Global lose 30 pounds. Add three Global inches. These people say they have studied evolutionary psychology and that war is a manifestation of males trying to impress potential mates. If everyone scores no one wars. What a pipe dream. It’s not about just mates. There are more than enough people in the world to pair up mathematically. It’s about competition over a limited resource of optimal mates. Check any bar at 1:45 AM. Event or no, the sad truth is the winter solstice is still gonna have lots of well-meaning, horny, and lonely peaceniks looking for someone to share an orange with. I can hear em now: “All I am saying, is give me a chance…”
America, ya gotta love it.