#417 Cough Please

I had another encounter with officialdom lately. And it was in the form of the health department. When I wrote about flu shots recently I minimized the importance of them. Those at risk stand to gain a lot by getting a weak form of the possible virus and having their immune system tool up. And really, it can help regular folk too. And not only help them, but help the workforce and economy as a whole. A massive hit from the flu disables countless workers and more than spoils holiday gatherings with hacking, wheezing, and phlegm-flinging relatives. So by all means, get your flu shot. Even if the shot you get may not be for the flu that arises, it’ll probably help a little. I was surprised when the lady from the health department cited statistics that indicate how strongly a pandemic would affect our workforce and how many small businesses will be not just decimated but 20, 30, and 40 percent-amated as well. Most small business have less than 5 employees. A healthy flu epidemic means that business is gonna be running on a skeleton crew. How’d you like your local dry cleaner to have even slower service? Or no one to chew gum behind the counter at the video store? It could get serious. But the cool thing about the health lecture, was the speaker told us all how to cough. What is it about coughing and medical practitioners? Is it because the word cough is based on some obscure Latin derivation? I mean, why else is cough spelled with a G-H- and pronounced with an F-? I suppose I’m used to doctors telling me when to cough. And for some reason having me look to my left or right while I’m doing so. And I guess I’m used to cold latex-gloved fingers touching me in sensitive areas at the same time. I’ve never really understood that part of an exam. I mean, I’m no anatomy expert, but I don’t have to go to the “Bodies” exhibition to know that coughing comes from the lungs, and knee-bone-connected-to-the-thigh-bone to the contrary, ain’t nothing connecting the lungs to the gonads. So why the doctor has to tell me to clear the air ducts while he’s weighing the family jewels seems like taking a house call a little too far if you catch my meaning. In any event, the health person talking about the flu told us all we shouldn’t cough or sneeze into our hands but should instead turn to the side and smother all our projectile mucus in the crook of our elbow. Which makes a lot of sense. People shake hands all the time. Then they touch their noses or eyes or other moist tissues on which bacteria and viruses love to grow and thrive. No one shakes elbows. I can’t remember when I actually touched the inside of another person’s elbow in polite company. But what’s cool is, now I can instantly find people who are polite company and care about others. When I want to find social responsible people with a cold or flu, I’ll just look for the caked-on shiny stuff on their sleeves.
America, ya gotta love it.