#309 Wookie me

It was the day before the deadline. Tim Eyeman, personal government advocate, never able to actually win public office, had sent out a press release to the press. He was going to show up with petitions. The press was led to assume those petitions would be the thousands necessary to put a referendum on the ballot overturning our states non-discrimination bill. Eyeman and his ilk had portrayed it as a bill supporting gay marriage. In any event, Eyeman shows up with petitions all right, but they aren’t the anti-gay petitions, they’re for another tax reduction bill Eyeman is initiating and he didn’t have enough of those either. He actually has another month to collect on that one, so while the boxes look impressive they have nothing to do with his discrimination referendum. So now, the press conference starts to look like the cheap publicity stunt it is. But Eyeman doesn’t look desperate, even though his public support dwindled immediately when he wasn’t offering lower taxes. We the people broke the back of this referendum. No matter, Tim’s initiative/referendum machine seems to keep him fairly well off after, um, expenses. You have no idea how much Perrier and caviar it takes to mount a good initiative.
But the really interesting thing is that Eyeman has chosen to appear in costume for his great initiative flameout. He’s done so before. This year’s costume was picked because he says everyone thinks he’s evil anyhow. Um, what was your first clue hatemonger, the lack of signatures or the total lack of signatures? This year he decided to dress up, or down as the case may be, as the epitome of evil, Darth Vader. Actually, if he was really going for a hated figure Adolf, or, yes, Eichmann would have done fine. I suppose Darth has more curb appeal for the kiddies.
An interesting choice. Good I suppose, because it hid his desperate face. And no doubt having a helmet, even a costume one, is a great idea when you’re appearing in activist Olympia with an anti-anti-discrimination bill. Rocks have been known to fly mysteriously in those parts. But really, complete with ultimate phallic symbol light saber? You see, many film character Freudian psychologists have had a homosexual symbol field day with Darth Vader. Think long-long-ago far-far-away Village People. Darth is the premier psychological icon of tortured suppressed homosexuality—a failed marriage to an older woman, a life carried on alone, following a strange cult of self-denial. Obsessed with the attraction of the “dark side.” The robe, the mask, all symbols of a conflicted soul languishing in the closet of his own wardrobe. And all black too, a perfect example of complete denial of color and form and fashion flair. And that light saber, oh Tim, careful with that thing. You could put out someone’s eye man.
America, ya gotta love it.