#298 MPS

The other day, for about the jillionth time in my electronic life, the printer stopped working. Someone with a lot of time ought to do scientific study some time on all the time people waste dinking around with printers. I have never met anyone whose computer system is one hundred percent compatible with one’s printer system. Something is always going down, jamming, misaligning, or whatever. And for no apparent reason. Things will be going along smoothly and, out of the blue, malfunction. Refuses to print. The little physical window on your printer blares out “remove cartridge,” or “clear paper jam.” What is paper jam anyhow? Or the insidious warning window on your computer screen pops on and proclaims, “can not communicate with printer.” Or perhaps the less forceful and helpless declaration, “intervention required.” As in what, counseling?
Because sometimes that’s exactly what the relationship between a computer and a printer seems to require, counseling. It’s like a real relationship. Let’s say in this analogy the computer is male and the printer female. I’m choosing to assign these roles to the computer/printer couple because traditionally the male has been the demanding one and the female has been the sometimes agreeing sometimes not agreeing one. Granted, every relationship is different, and in many relationships, it is the female who wants the consistency and the reliability, and the male who is the inexplicable party. But I think most males and females will agree that part of maintaining the feminine mystique is the ability and desire to do stuff for no apparent reason. To be mysterious, to not be able to be figured out, to engage in an attractive coquettish randomness, is guaranteed to slay the fiercest dragon and bring the staunchest knight to his knees. Should he come upon a damsel fair, shedding a tear and looking woebegone, weeping and vulnerable, a knight will drop in his tracks, and with beleaguered brow, reach out to render aid, and when he looks at her face, see plainly the message, “lower tray empty, please add paper.” Or, “cartridge maintenance required,” or, “clear jam and continue printing.” Said knight will walk away shaking his head, not to mention scratching it, as he wonders why every printer doesn’t come with a clear and readable manual. Truth is, printers and computers are manufactured differently and whatever protocols the not so intelligent designers imprinted into their fuzzy or skuzzy logic boards never the twain drivers shall meet.
Especially when, hoping for a great session, you attempt to initialize the printer, and that one error message blinks loud and clear. “Printer Malfunction Syndrome.” Initialize indeed.
America, ya gotta love it.