#80 Fruit Buzz

So I’m listening to this commercial the other day. Those of you who have listened to this column before may make the comment; he sure listens to a lot of commercials. Well yeah! Don’t we all. I once read a statistic that by the age of five, kids have been exposed to about fifty thousand ad messages, all telling them to consume, consume, consume. Whereas they had only been subjected to about a five thousand cultural messages from their parents, like which fork to use and how to cuss out that annoying driver who cut you off cause she was gabbing on her cellphone.
So commercials really do define our culture, and since what I do is write about our culture, inevitably I write and rant about our commercials. Like this whole “fruit buzz” thing.
Now let me just say from the start that as a person who appreciates both the power of advertising and the art of persuasion, I think McDonalds sets the bar. It’s no surprise children recognize Ronald McDonald more than they recognize George Washington. And you might as well completely dispense with any notion that today’s elementary schoolers will appreciate the nuances of the administration of James K. Polk. Such are the vicissitudes of manifest destiny.
Anyhow, Mickey D’s manages to redefine itself more often than Madonna in its endless quest to be on the forefront of American consumerism and for a huge organization, they do a damn good job. Usually when a company gets that overblown and bloated we end up with things like Windows ME and IBM Selectrics.
So I was intrigued the other day when I heard this commercial for a new Mc-Product. It’s the fruit and walnut salad that the anti-supersize-me factions within the McDonald’s politburo have nominated to capture the healthy set. And the ads are really great. They feature people talking highly of other people. When questioned about this unusual good behavior the complimenter claims to be seeing the world through rose-colored glasses because she’s having a fruit buzz from one of McDonald’s new salads. The message here is very Christian. Love thy neighbor as thyself, judge not lest you be judged, live and let live—but only if you have a McDonald’s salad. Jesus never had it so good. If only instead of 5 loaves and 2 fishes he’d had some walnuts grapes and apples. Dude.
One thing unsettles me though. So far, all the commercials I’ve heard feature only one gender having and feeling the positive effects of this fruit buzz: Women. The presumption from Mc-higher-ups seems to be men are stuck with being carnivores. Big Macs and Quarter Pounders, an occasional McNugget for concentrated additives, and we’re ready to pick up our remote and watch the other meat-eaters tear off each other’s heads at the Superbowl. What gives? This is the 21st century Mickey D. Sexism is as yesterday as a Mc-DLT. I know lots of men that would enjoy a fruit buzz too. Not, need I say, that there’s anything wrong with that.
America, ya gotta love it.