#45 Soccer? I hardly Know Her

Recently, a high school administration tried to prevent its own women’s soccer team from using the playing field surrounded by the tax-payer constructed track it no longer lets the public use. The infield of any track area, as I sure most of you know, is a football field. And for those who believe that the angels themselves play football just to pleasantly while away eternity, the football-soccer-track combo really only means one thing: Football. Eternity, by the way, although it’s not defined as such biblically, is the time it takes to get from the final 2 minute warning to the end of the game.
Anyhow, the high school powers that be, having invested huge amounts of money in the new football-soccer-track field, said the soccer team couldn’t use the field. They were saving it for the football team on Friday night. That’s when all the “paying” fans come out, don’t you know. The administration maintained that football was the chief fundraiser for the school. Furthermore, it brought income in, rather than simply “used” money like the soccer team—that would be the money the soccer team “used” on their uniforms, which they earned in carwashes and candy sales because there were no general funds available.
And, the late night Tuesday and Thursday soccer games aren’t as well attended as Friday night games. Could it be something about having to get up early and work the next morning? Oh no, that’s not it, football is more exciting. And football is good for the kids. It teaches team discipline. And let’s not forget the traumatic arthritis all these young bucks get later in life, as a result of the injuries they sustained during their formative years. And how that team discipline comes in handy when they’re pushing a broom at a warehouse cause the team doctor didn’t pay close enough attention to that concussion on homecoming night. Lord knows, football is a good thing all right. Cause all the old football dads love coming to the game and watching junior try to fill the cleats of their glory days. And they’ll fork over good money to do it, too. As long as you ignore that Southern Comfort in their thermos and the slightly erratic way they drive home. So you better get your sissy soccer back to the unlit, potholed, ankle-shearing practice field, this here astroturf’s for our young stallions.
It’s really no surprise. In my day, the fight was over a multi-use field for baseball and football. Since both of those sports were equal in the eyes of fans the administration finally did the right thing. They built separate fields. With separate bleachers and separate ticket booths. The school didn’t have enough money for new books, but dad-blame-it, they was gonna have two brand spankin new fields. Cause they made money. This is like a business boy. Survival of the fittest. Of course they didn’t actually figure the construction costs and maintenance costs of said stadiums into to the bottom line. Just the costs of uniforms and coaches and helmets and whatnot. Us non-football game attending taxpayers forked over the rest.
Seems like primitive times, doesn’t it? I’m glad Seattle finally put that controversy to rest. I mean, why have two fields, with each one sitting idle half the year when you could have one multi-use facility that services both—like the Kingdome? And gosh, it’ll be here till Kingdome come. Oh. Right.
America, Ya Gotta Love It.*
*Please note: Any resemblance to any high school living or dead is purely coincidence. Results may vary.