Wednesday, December 28, 2011

1648 Hot Buns

I haven't been in Taco Bell for a while, so what's the deal with this new “flatbread” thing? For years I've admired Taco Bell as the great fast food alternative. Their basic bean burrito pretty much got me through college. Living off campus, minuscule food budget, bean burrito, the three legs of my college-going economic stool.
So I've always held a special fondness for the Bell, equating it with the esoteric atmosphere of the study of the great philosophers Wittgenstein, Kant, and Hegel, and a digested burrito atmosphere not unlike the smell of a warm bagel.
I still stop in at Taco Bell when I see a sufficiently cheap special posted in their window, but lately all I've seen are offerings of things made with flatbread. So what's with flatbread?
When I think flatbread, I think Mediterranean—gyro type stuff. I don’t think I'm ready for Taco Bell to start featuring concoctions with lamb, mint, and yogurt. True, tortillas are like the original flatbread. They are the ultimate in flatness, second only to the crepe.
But flatbread still doesn't seem Mexican to me. Is that the problem? Is Mexican getting to non-competitive? Are all the roving taco trucks finally taking their toll? I gotta admit, buying a five dollar giant burrito at a taco truck and splitting it into two meals beats the heck out of the calories per buck spent at Taco Bell.
But I really worry about their branding message. For years now Taco Bell has been exhorting us to "Think Out of The Bun." Break the fast food habit. Now here they are heading into bun territory.
Flat bread is a lot more bunlike than a tortilla. It's a little puffy. It's a little yeasty. It's made with white flour. It's not out of the bun.
It's a squashed bun.
America, ya gotta love it.

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