1988 Silence of the Rats

Chinese food is in the news again. Not Kung Pao Chicken or whatever. Well, maybe the whatever. No, what I'm talking about is a Chinese food problem in China. Namely how unreliable their food sources are.
Chinese consumer protection, already mistrusted for allowing thing's like melamine in baby food and lead in chewable toys has now encountered another furtive food additive.
And no, it's not Romanian horse meat.
Rats, you say, and you'd be right. Rats it is. Big deal, you scoff, we've been ingesting rat hairs in our cereal and rat bits in our hot dogs for ages. There's even a USDA minimum allowable amount. And we don't even have a Year of the Rat on our calendar.
True, but the Chinese rat issue is different. It's not just that they're eating rat meat, which you would be too if you ate rabbit, from the same super class of animals, it's that it's mislabeled as lamb.
Yes, lamb. That delicate succulent meat preferred by epicures everywhere. Oh the odes composed to the poetic palate pleasures of young sheep. And to befoul that same palate with rat. Worse somehow than horse disguised as cow. One grass grazer for another isn't much of a leap, but a ugly skittering rat for a cute frolicking lamb?
Just come out about it China. Label your rats as rats and give consumers a choice. You could still use lamb designations. How about instead of leg of lamb, leg of rat? Or Irish rat stew for a euro touch. Or rat gyros for that perfect blend of Asian-Greek fusion. A middle eastern flair with rat kabobs. Or sure to be everyone's favorite---Rack of Rat.
I just want to see the Chinese version of Sherry Lewis's puppet.
Rat Chop.
America, ya gotta love it.