1467 Free Milking

I was reflecting on country wisdom the other day as I was listening to a song by a group called the Georgia Satellites. The song was, "Keep Your Hands to Yourself" about a woman who won't offer her charms unless she is married.
"No huggy no kissy, 'til I get a wedding ring" is how she purportedly puts it. A noble sentiment to be sure. The negative biological and social consequences of accidental and sudden unwed motherhood are not to be discounted.
One of the verses of the song puts this quite pithily when it says "that's when she told me a story 'bout free milk and a cow and said 'no huggy no kissy until I get a wedding vow'..."
Well there's certainly a romantic metaphor. Comparing the love of two people to milking a cow. Anyone who has milked a cow can appreciate how similar the bovine experience is to true love.
Um, not so much. Milking a cow is an odiferous business at best and one guaranteed to make one feel less than amorous. At least it was in my case. Maybe freezing at the crack of dawn in manure-filled barns reeking of sour milk just wasn't a turn on.
Also, the noble heroine in the song may just want to remember that living with a half ton, dull-witted, fly-infested, smelly beast is perhaps not the best image to invoke when one is attempting to encourage a suitor to contemplate marriage. Especially in some rural areas of the south.
The tale of free milk and the cow, in case you've been living in a barn, offers up the cautionary proposition—If one is getting free milk why buy the cow?
Clever. But there's an old country comeback from those who think less of the institution of marriage.
Why butcher the cow when you can live off the milk?
America, ya gotta love it.