#1093 Van Ill

So the other day I was at a place and they had one of those coffee additives sitting on the counter. You know the kind, the “one stop glop” for people who like coffee but don’t like the taste of coffee. Anyhow, this one said it was French Vanilla flavor.
And for the first time I wondered: What is the difference between French Vanilla and regular vanilla? Is French Vanilla smoother? Or is it more rude? Does it disagree with right-wingers so they have to call it Freedom Vanilla?
Nope. French Vanilla is none of those things. French Vanilla is nothing more than a Mexican immigration story. Or emigration.
In what you would suspect of a word and ingredient that is often synonymous with white bread, it turns out regular vanilla is as American as apple pie, or I suppose I should say as Apple Empanadas. Because regular vanilla comes from the other middle America, Mexico to be exact, where it was discovered and extracted by Mesoamerican tribes.
It’s actually an orchid, and the fruit pods are what we get the flavor from. Mexico was the sole producer of vanilla until about 1819, when a French entrepreneur planted some in the French colony of Re’union in the Indian Ocean. Other plantations were started in the Comoros islands and Madagascar.
Was that in the animated movie?
Soon these places were responsible for 80% of the world’s vanilla production. Then there was a vanilla cartel, controlling supplies, prices, and yellowish ice cream. So tons of money was made from a transplanted orchid. (Yum, gimme some of that flower flavor.)
Vanilla also fetches a high price. It’s the second highest priced spice, because of the labor-intensive methods of harvest, cultivation, and extraction.
And you just want to put it in your coffee. Which, coincidentally, is another extremely labor-intensive crop.
Think of all the man-hours of grueling hot labor that went into your relaxing morning cup of coffee.
Then again, maybe not. A final vanilla factoid: 95% of vanilla flavored products today contain no vanilla. Cheaper living through chemistry.
In the meantime, that French entrepreneur made about a vanillion dollars.
I think I’m going to be van ill...
America, ya gotta love it.