#1086 Tender Anger

In response to my scattered observations in a recent commentary about Adrian Beltre and his unfortunate moving ball encounter, and then Burger King’s unfortunately-named Angry Whopper, my friend Rick asserted that if they wanted painful sounding food they should come out with the Angry Beltre Whopper.
I cringed.
But that leads me back to the discussion of the Angry foods offered by Burger King. By the way, is it just me or are fast foods getting further and further from their poster pictures in terms of looks? I don’t know how many times I’ve been suckered in by a giant picture of a 6-foot burger only to shell out five bucks and then unwrap this limp pitiful little mess.
It makes me angry indeed.
So I’m thinking Burger King is going the wrong direction in inciting the whole anger notion. Call it hot, call it a fiery burger, call it lava sauce, slap it between halves of a fulminating fuma-role but don’t mess with invoking anger when you’re so vigorously disappointing people.
And the burger’s not the worst of it. Every time fast food joints come up with a new spice mix, they have to apply it to all their big sellers. So Burger King also offers the Angry Tender Crisp. As Tender Crisp was the name of their chicken sandwich, I guess they had no choice but “Angry Tender Crisp” invokes all kinds of conflicting emotions.
Like being conflicted.
Because you got your Angry and you got your Tender. Sounds like a relationship with a passive–aggressive. Or one of those battered spouse relationships, which is particularly unsettling because the Tender Crisp is essentially battered chicken. I’ve never liked the image invoked by battered foods generally.
It sounds so violent.
An Angry Tender sandwich sounds like a recipe for Dr Phil. Sorry Doc, I think I should send my sandwich to anger management. One minute it’s tender and the next minute it’s hot enough to burn my mouth off.
I’m thinking fast food companies ought to stick with taste and leave emotion alone.
Although naming something “angry tender” shows they probably don’t have any taste either.
America, ya gotta love it.