#1046, Skin Niche

Well the results are finally in. The filthiest place on your skin. Or should I say the most biologically diverse?
A group of researchers recently took samples of the various places on the body organ known as our skin and determined the composition of the biological colonies of bacteria and suchlike that lived there.
It’s pretty disgusting.
They sampled 20 separate areas and found, according to geneticist Julie Segre, a smorgasbord of ecosystems. Yum. Let’s all go to the skin buffet.
I hope it has a sneeze guard.
The skin is home to roughly 1,000 species of bacteria, nearly as many as in our gut. The most diverse region of our skin, when it comes to these micro-ecosystems, is the forearm. Whodda thunk it?
It’s not the navel, which certainly makes sense—when was the last time your navel brushed up against a toilet flush handle. It’s also not the nostril or the armpit. It’s not even what scientists call the gluteal crease.
You heard right. Scientists refer to the valley between the cheeks as the gluteal crease. Darn, I guess I lost. When they had the “Name the Chasm contest”, I suggested “buttockeal cleavage”.
Well, ripe as that area is for bacterial contamination, what with its darkness and wetness and being the excremental exit, it has far less bacteria than the forearm.
Here’s the funny thing. They found the most bacteria free area of your body is the one your mom always told you to be sure to scrub. Behind your ears. I guess we actually paid attention.
Scientists are wondering why the worst area is the forearm, but I guess it’s pretty understandable. You almost never pay attention to washing, wiping or Purell-ing your forearm. And yet it is almost constantly exposed to the outside world. It’s not tucked away under underwear—t-shirts, briefs, bras or panties. It usually has lots of hair follicles for bacteria folk to grab onto too, and isn’t shaved and plucked and lasered.
And most skin-ificantly, nerdy scientific student types, who researchers usually use to research on, stereotypically employ their forearms to, um, wipe their runny noses.
America, ya gotta love it.