#774 On the Potty Line

Maybe it’s the brain wave anomalies the latest research says they cause, because people with cellphones are doing weirder and weirder things.
Cellphones seem to gradually suck people’s social skills right out of their brains.
We first saw it with erratic driving. Later we saw it in supermarkets, as people would call spouses and ask inane questions. “Which red can of tomato sauce?”
Then we saw it walking. Two people walking downtown, each of them on a cellphone, talking to someone else altogether.
The other day I saw an interesting variation. The wife was on her phone talking. She and her husband approached their car, he to the passenger side, she to the driver’s side. She had the keys in her hand. She kept talking. He had two bags of groceries in his arms. She kept talking. He waited patiently by the passenger’s side door. She kept talking.
Waiting. Talking. Waiting. Talking.
Finally she looked at the keys in her hand, seemed to come out of a long dark mental tunnel, pressed a button on one key and let her husband in.
I encountered another one even weirder. I walked into a public restroom to the sound of loud talking. I was surprised to hear it was coming from a stall. At first I thought two yahoos had occupied adjoining stalls and were trading scatological remarks.
But no, the guy turned out to be alone, talking loud as people on cellphones do, oblivious to the social niceties and their surroundings. Another example of how cellphone brain damage seems to be getting worse.
Is there no privacy anymore? Is there no place people won’t take their phones?
It’s not like this piece of news he was dropping on his friend was so urgent. It was about how his friend should come down and sign up for a car show.
At least it was a car show competition and not a fierce game of Kerplunk.
Here’s a cellphone etiquette bonus. The next time you borrow someone’s phone, before you put it to your ear and mouth...
Remember this story.
America, ya gotta love it.