#579 Great Water

So I’m drinking a bottle of water the other day.
Actually, I was drinking from a bottle of water. If I were drinking the bottle, the plastic would constipate me for a week.
I’m totally conflicted when it comes to small bottles of water. They are infinitely better than small bottles of Coke for my personal health, but my mouth goes all dry with dread when I contemplate the environmental damage of gajillions of plastic bottles littering the earth.
The label on the water says Athena. And that they donate all the profits from the water to breast cancer research. A good thing, must be a lot of profit in water, so a lot of money must be going to research.
The bottle in my hand is 16.9 fluid ounces. It sells for about a buck. My latest water bill just came in and I paid 11 bucks for 400 cubic feet of water.
I went to Google, typed in “conversion tool” and up came a handy converter. I typed in 400 cubic feet, converted it to ounces and the result was roughly 383,003. Divide that by 16.9 and I could fill up 22,663 bottles from my home for 11 bucks.
Put another way, each bottle contains a nickel’s worth of water.
Profits are looking good.
But I looked at the label closer. This is no ordinary tap water. It contains minerals. Although the nutrition panel disclaims that the water is not a significant source of these minerals, it does have potassium bicarbonate, sodium bicarbonate, magnesium chloride and calcium chloride. Translation: salt and alka seltzer.
But not significantly.
The nutrition label also goes on to list that the water has no—excuse me—0%, calories, fat, sodium, total carbs, and protein.
I’m so comforted. Water has no fat or protein.
And bonus, in addition to having no fat, it’s also not a “significant” source of trans fat. Go figure.
Nutrition labels are another scourge on the environment. Why waste all that ink and paper itemizing nothing?
In any event. If I buy water, I’ll probably buy this one. If they really are donating all their profits, you don’t have to spring full grown from the head of Zeus to realize they’ll have lot to give.
America ya gotta love it