#575 Pro-Dirt

So I was reading this article about the health benefits of dirt. There’s a pretty big body of science now that supports the notion that the reason we have so many allergies and asthma and stuff is because our immune system hyper-reacts to nothing.
Modern people are too hygienic.
In the old days, kids were exposed to more dirt and filth and their young immune systems had something to fight. Not big somethings—little innocuous bugs they could handle.
Like a lioness bringing a half-killed hyena pup to her cubs, dirty young people’s immune systems had something to cut their teeth on. Without it, the immune system goes wild and overreacts to things like pollen and dust mites and peanuts.
One of the half-killed hyenas is a bacterium called mycobacterium vaccae.
It’s in dirt.
When I was a young lad, we lived on a piece of land that had a lot of dirt. And we built mud forts and elaborate dirt battlefields for our little plastic army men. It was one of the happiest times in my life.
Now I know why.
Turns out myco vaccae also causes an effect not unlike Prozac. It starts an immune reaction that releases cytokines in your blood, which can in turn trigger serotonin-producing receptors in your brain.
You get high on dirt.
These bacteria are everywhere in the wild. And you can get a fix by taking a walk in the forest or digging around in your flower beds or even eating lettuce or carrots yanked from the garden. (Store produce may have pesticides that kill the bacteria and eventually you.)
Naturally, medical science and drug companies are hard at work producing an unnatural pill form of these bacteria. I wouldn’t be surprised if prescription dirt was right around the corner.
“You can feel like you’re in heaven when you’re really down to earth. New from Glaxo-Smith-Kline—Dirt-zac.”
“Seeing the light can feel so good. Pfizer, your one source for Well-hole-Butrin.”
“Your mood won’t be murky with Soil-a-triptyline by Merck.”
It’s a dirty crying shame, but it’ll happen, because most Americans would rather not soil their French manicures in the real stuff.
Dirt-pills are coming. You heard it here first.
America ya gotta love it