#522 Rise of the Mite-y

So the other day we were out in the field and this guy comes by and compliments me on my former TV show.
A friend who was standing there and had never seen my show gave me the quizzical look thing.
You know, eyebrows raised, mouth slightly open, shoulders poised to shrug.
“Comedy show I used to have,” I explained, “part of my meteoric rise to mediocrity in the media.”
Which sounded pretty good. Alliterative and all. Meteoric rise to mediocrity.
All except one thing, meteors typically fall.
I of all people should know that. Especially since I love reading science magazines. And speaking of eyebrows, I was reading a science magazine the other day and I learned about all the interesting creatures we live with, on and in our own bodies. The human body is an ecosystem unto itself.
And I’m not just talking about viruses and bacteria, although it’s interesting to note that 8 percent of our DNA is leftover foreign viruses. I’m talking about real, live, honest-to-goodness multi-celled animals.
Like the eyebrow mite.
That’s right, the eyebrow mite.
Mites are different than lice. Lice are related to insects, mites are related to spiders. Most mites are microscopic. But under a microscope they look mighty impressive.
They feast on skin flakes, fecal matter, and the occasional draught of fresh-brewed sweat.
It’s the “demodex” mite that lives in the follicles of your eyebrows—eating, breeding, and hanging out, except for an occasional nocturnal stroll around your face.
Face ever suddenly itch at night?
Will now.
They are 0.3 millimeters long, cigar-shaped and they infest about 20% of people under twenty. They are much more likely to infest us as we age, so nearly all oldsters carry them.
Naturally some oldsters have larger habitats for this inhumanity than others.
Guinness book of world records, looking for the human with the largest mite eco-niche on the planet, is even now in contact with Andy Rooney.
Some of the viruses we carry in our genes, by the way, could be direct descendents of those who hitched a ride to earth on meteors.
They fell.
America ya gotta love it