#515 Rolling Rodent

Hamsters, it turns out, are interesting creatures. Especially the Syrian Golden, which is most favored by pet shops and rooms with small pet spaces. The Syrian Golden sounds like a breed of chicken doesn’t it? Like the Rhode Island Red or the Minorca Black. I wonder if hamsters ever figured prominently in any Bedouin shish kebabs. They are the perfect rodent-on-a-stick size.
In any event, the Syrian Golden is a fiercely solitary animal. Experts warn that you should not, I repeat, not, house more than one hamster in a cage. Except, they say, during mating, and even then watch closely, as the act of sexual congress for hamsters is much like a budget bill with a regular congress—much sound and fury and a lot of pork in a barrel at some point. Suffice it to say hamster lovemaking can get quite violent, with biting and scratching and not a little blood. Probably not the sort of thing you want your sensitive child to witness. Bad example for developing appropriate expectations of human intimate relationships.
Most hamsters from pet stores are juveniles and at that point are fairly gregarious. Even rat teenagers gravitate to group behavior. Scary. Somehow the vision of a gang on angry hamsters makes my spine tingle. Once they’re grown, fortunately, they prefer solitude.
And hamsters are both clever and stupid. They are clever enough to bust out of their cute little cages but stupid enough to be caught with a bucket. That’s right, a bucket. We were shopping at a store for an expensive humane trap for a hamster on the lamb and this passing guy says, “Easy, set a ramp up to the lip of a mop bucket. Put food in the bottom. In the morning, hamster in a bucket.” It worked. Even though the hamster apparently had to drop 10 inches from the ramp to the bottom. Which was no problem, I guess, considering he must have somehow made his way down from the second floor the previous night. My girlfriend’s son speculated the hamster had descended the steep stairs like an organic Slinky. Hmm. Reminds me of that game of Hamster Frisbee we used to play...
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