#495 No More

Sometimes you wonder. I read about a study recently that was instituted to determine whether duct tape was effective in curing warts. I guess you could say the study was conducted. Well, high time if you ask me. It’s not enough that duct tape is the perfect tool for any household repair, it really needs to carve out its niche in the medicine cabinet as well. Seriously, expensive research was conducted to determine if the old wive’s tale about duct tape curing warts was true. Those old wives sure are our ancient font of wisdom aren’t they? Native Americans had their shaman (or is that sha-men? Sha-people?) Australian aborigines had their dream guides. We Euros have our old wives. I wonder how they originally determined that duct tape was an efficacious manner for eliminating warts. Did someone rescue a hostage one time who had been bound up with duct tape and notice the peculiar absence of warts around their wrists? Or perhaps someone who had been gagged. Were their lip warts diminished? Back around the turn of the century, it was a common ADHD treatment to duct tape hyperactive kids’ mouths shut. Maybe the old wives noticed then. Who knows, if this wart cure thing pans out, maybe we’ll see a new Ritalin-free classroom.
Funny thing about the results of the research. The reporter reported that the use of duct tape worked only 21 percent of the time and was no more better than moleskin. At first, I was taken aback that the Associated Press used the phrase “no more better.” I think they could have phrased things more better. But hey, the fact still is that duct tape works 21 percent of the time. And that’s more better than nothing at all. The other interesting fact is that other scientists are saying the study was flawed because the researchers used transparent duct tape and not the grey rubberized kind. They speculate the rubber facilitates wart removal. My question is, what idiot scientist decided to test transparent duct tape? These guys gotta spend more time in the garage. I know, let’s spend a huge amount of money researching whether coffee keeps you awake. But let’s use, um, tea.
America, ya gotta love it