#401 Common Usage

I went to a luncheon meeting the other day. It included the normal salad and fruit. As this is November, the main entrée was turkey. In this case, hand-carved turkey roll—packed in the last millennium, sliced fresh for flavor. Nothing like the keen and palate-stimulating effervescence of fresh-sliced nitrates. As it was a festive holiday meal, it featured two, count ‘em, two, starches. Potatoes and stuffing. With my sourdough roll that made three. The mashed potatoes appeared to have little bits of ham in them but I hurried to counter the effects of too much protein by dousing them in gravy. Which, as anyone who has ever made gravy knows, is essentially fat and flour. Flour, in case you’re counting, is another starch. Thank goodness the melon chunks in the fruit plate were simple sugars. All those carbohydrates are enough to make a person nod off by the time the speaker comes up at the meeting.
When I woke up, this guy was droning on about the challenges faced by today’s community colleges. How because they are technical colleges they need more technology than your average school but because they are essentially junior colleges they don’t get the budget from the statehouse. How they don’t get the big college money from athletic revenues. Not to mention the huge amounts of money alumni organizations earn every year and contribute to their alma maters. It’s kind of a shame in a way. Take some up-and-coming young bio-entrepreneur. He gets his first two years of college out of the way on the cheap, then transfers to a university with an advanced degree program, invents something new and wonderful, like a rhinovirus blocker, makes a gajillion dollars, then bestows his university with a big chunk of tax-sheltered money. Poor old junior college, which got the process underway to begin with, gets lost in the dust of the past. Like some poor married schmuck who makes all kinds of sacrifices, in money, stress, and time to send his wife to college so she could increase her confidence, better herself, and they could improve their income and when she just about has it complete, out the door she goes. How do the Japanese put it? Sayonara sucker. Anyhow, the speaker spoke in bureaucratic jargon. He said his college was visioning for the future. Apparently, that’s a process where you create a vision. I’m not sure, I was a little drowsy. When asked about non-profit administrator training he replied they were “definitely under-producing non-profit administrators.” Makes something negative sound so positive, doesn’t it? I would have said they were not producing. He said they are under-producing. I like the spin. No, I’m not drunk officer, I’m under-producing sobriety.
America, ya gotta love it.