#390 Hard Time

I read the news today and, oh boy, the stories keep getting stranger and stranger. The headlines cried out “Drug Dealer, 81, Faces Prison Sentence.” And that’s a pretty serious deal, when you’re 81 just about any sentence could be a life sentence. There was a picture of the old guy too, full head of snow white hair, rumpled jeans, and what appeared to be a Members Only jacket. Remember those from the disco days? The perfect semi-dressy semi-casual short jacket that you could dress up or dress down. It went with jeans and it went smashingly with polyester slacks. Young studs from Humboldt to Hoboken sported them in discos, lounges, and bowling alleys. Then the old codgers started wearing them and never stopped. Get those low-rise under-the-protruding-gut polyester stretch jeans and a Members Only knock off and you’re set for the early bird buffet line. So it really wasn’t too much of surprise that Calvin Ott, the octogenarian drug dealer, had one on. What was surprising was the drugs he was busted for selling—Methamphetamine and Crack Cocaine. Cause I’m thinking, 81 may be old but if this guy’s been supplementing his income this way for his whole life, that means that in the sixties he was in his forties. And it wasn’t that unusual in those days to have a forty year old somewhere near the top of the marijuana supply chain. What is unusual was that he kept it up. Still, meth and crack, being lighter in weight and easier to fit in the many pockets of a Members Only coat, is a natural drug to deal for a slightly frail elderly gentleman. I mean, hefting around a kilo of pot would be pretty tough. And growing the stuff in your yard a little too labor intensive. Not to mention the problems with the neighbor kids. “Hey you kids….get out of my pot!!!” Speaking of kids. The guy got his sentence extended by two years cause he sold the meth within a thousand feet of a school bus stop. Let that be a lesson to all drug dealers out there, young and old. There isn’t anyplace in urban Lacey that isn’t within 1000 feet of a bus stop. Today’s mollycoddled kids don’t have to walk any distance any more. They ought to have a mandatory “give em a brake” type sign on school bus stops. “Convicted drug dealers face additional two years within a thousand feet of this sign.” The only way to be really safe is to do your drug deals next to the porn shop. You can be pretty sure they’ve measured that one out to the gnat’s derriere. It was kind of pathetic in a way though. The old codger had to wear headphones so he could hear his sentence. And he had failed to appear for an earlier hearing because he forgot. His lawyer said his defense was that the drug informants were mad at him and planted the drugs. I would have used the Alzheimer’s defense. You mean it’s illegal? Ignorance of the law may be no excuse. But absence of the brain cells to be ignorant in the first place?
America, ya gotta love it.