#353 Long Road Home

I guess I should count my blessings. I saw the most pathetic creature in the world the other day. It was a crow—apparently an old one, or possibly a slow one. Maybe one that got too greedy. Taking that last beakful too close to an oncoming semi. Cause it was a dead crow. It didn’t look all that flat though, so it’s possible it wasn’t actually crushed by a vehicle. Birdbones are lightweight so they flatten pretty two-dimensionally should they encounter a couple of tons of motoring metal. This one was swollen up very three dimensionally. Maybe the blowflies had been at work and he was nothing more than a fetid gas pocket ready to burst into flame with the first roadspark like an overripe apple laptop. So it’s at least possible he died on the wing of some avian equivalent of a heart attack and simply plummeted to the spot in the road were he left behind his corporeal self as his soul flew to bird heaven. But that wasn’t the pathetic thing about the tableau. No, what was pathetic was that the road striper had been by that morning and like some cruel parody of a Roadrunner cartoon a fresh stripe was painted right over him. That’s right, it wasn’t the coyote creature that got humiliated this time, it was the bird. Dying as roadkill is indignity enough, to then be painted over by a machine that actually has a driver is so much worse. I mean, come on road crew, get a shovel and scrape the poor creature off first. Make sure the road is clear for the stripe. Properly prepared a dead crow can make a fine component of hobo stew and at least the cosmic circle continues. But road stripe just isn’t the spice a good king-of-the-road stewpot needs. As every hobo knows, paint should be inhaled not eaten.
Speaking of bad drivers, The Response Insurance National Driving habits survey had some things to say about how people feel about cellphones. Interestingly, though you’d expect non-cellphone users to support banning cellphone driving, and they did at 62%, cellphone users also supported the ban at 59%. It’s what I’ve been saying for years, after a while cellphone users don’t like being accessible all the time. You want to be not only hands free when you drive, you want to be phone free as well. The survey also showed the whole notion of multi-tasking is under attack. These same people support banning other actions while driving. 68% are against grooming. Me too. Like the gal that almost killed me while she was not only phoning, but applying eye makeup in here rearview mirror. She was not paying attention in two directions at once. 72% are against text messaging. Unless you’re getting a satellite feed of American Idol. And finally, 79% are against reading while driving. I hope they don’t mean road signs. Holding that opinion may have them end up eating crow.
America, ya gotta love it.