#316 Weiords

As is apparent by now, I have a fascination with words. Or weird words, or weiords as I call them. I wonder sometimes how certain words came in to common usage and certain others never happened. I understand that the word hemorrhoid does not require a feminine form in her-orrhoid or even a PC personorrhoid. But don’t you just kind of wonder why there are no her-spanics? I know this song by Heart and it makes me curious. What is a cuda and is it illegal to bare it in some states?
And what do we call this most obnoxious plague we are now confronted with, the jaywalking cellphoner? People can’t drive with cellphones and they can’t walk either. I don’t know how many cellphone pedestrians I’ve almost run over. They’re just as distracted and inattentive as their driving cohorts. Walker-talkers I call them, but they faint and flinch and are totally undependable when it come to predicting their next move so maybe walker-talker-balker is more accurate. I saw one yesterday and I was ready to call CPS. It was a young man, obligatory baseball cap on of course. He had a cellphone to his ear so he only had one free hand to hold the hand of what appeared to be his three-year-old daughter. He had her holding the hand of a second, even younger girl, who kept letting go and jumping around. They were between two large SUVs parked on the left side of a one-way street so I didn’t see them until the littlest girl almost darted in front of me. I braked and swerved, noted all of the above, including the fact that the young man was gazing off into space, attention focused on whoever it was on the other end of his terribly important call. In my rearview mirror, I soon saw something much, much worse. They weren’t attempting to get into their vehicle. The guy was leading his little girls across three lanes of traffic. Jaywalking with juveniles. The corner, the crosswalk, and a clear line of sight unimpeded by parked cars was fifty feet up from where they were trying to cross. Where’s a cop when you need one? Where’s a PARENT when you need one? Jaywalking with two kids under three on a three-lane road and talking on a cellphone. The apocalypse is already here. And speaking of street walking, what’s the name for those new advertising animatronic-like people businesses are using to attract attention to their stores. You know the ones, they stand on the edge of the street and hold up signs and try to entice you into toastiness or sleepiness or statue of liberty tax preparation or anything factory direct. Do they call them sign walkers or street signers or streetwalkers? Or recently former bums? Who would have thought holding up a cardboard sign on the street would become an employable skill-set to add to your resume?
America, ya gotta love it.