#300 Misusage

Sometimes I think English is everyone’s second language. Especially for people who should know better. Take Dan Brown, the widely acclaimed author of the Da Vinci Code. Plotter? Pretty Good. Researcher? Excellent (that is if he didn’t lift all the research from those other two guys who are suing him) You know what they say, creativity is nice, but plagiarism is quicker. I don’t remember who I stole that from, but I like it. Copying that research? Excellent. Use of grammar? Horrible. I really wanted to like this book. But I kept getting interrupted by the fact that this guy crucifies grammar and usage. At one point he has the lead female character talking in her head, and at the end of this thought sequence, he uses the words “she said.” Now admittedly, she was having an internal dialogue but “she thought” would have been more accurate and it wasn’t like he only had three minutes to get in all the words like I do in these diatribes. He also has a guy getting into his car and looking in every direction to “ensure” no one is looking. No, ensure is not used that way. Make sure no one is looking. Ensure your health. It’s a style thing. Worse, in the last few pages of the book, he’s rolling along to his thrilling conclusion, which had been telegraphed more than the pounding of the golden pike, and he writes that this character trusted another character explicitly. Oh he did, did he? Did he reveal it in all its detail? Did he trust him only when he went to an extremely graphic porno site? You don’t trust someone explicitly. That means you don’t trust them at all, because explicit means you are spelling everything out. You trust someone implicitly. Nonetheless, Dan is a highly acclaimed and successful author so—props...
And I’m not sure what the wordmeister announcer was thinking at the baseball game. That “no one” guy must have turned up again, a bunch of them actually, because the announcer said, as he gazed over the stadium full of empty seats, “Well, it looks like about 20,000 no shows tonight.” What does a no show look like? Can you carry him anywhere? How do you ensure he isn’t looking at you? There are empty seats in the stadium. The people didn’t show up. The stadium is not full of no shows.
Lastly, major corporate sponsors need to be careful. Occasionally you can run into a verbal version of Janet Jackson in the Superbowl and you’d better ensure your nipple ring doesn’t turn up a no show or what you show will offend people explicitly. Many people view the American Idol phenomenon as the biggest pimpfest for pop talent since Arthur Godfrey sold soap. So when the Pop Tart company decided to sponsor the American idol tour the name couldn’t have been more fitting. Tart being another word for, um, prostitute. I like it, Pop... Tart...
America, ya gotta love it.