#220 Ted and Ed

From time to time, I like to read popular science magazines. I figure it doesn’t hurt to keep up on things and you never know when they’re gonna find another moon beyond Pluto or a giant black monolith on a moon of Saturn or something. So I was interested in an article I read recently. It was on the subject of drugs for obesity. Some scientists have decided to target genes, and I don’t mean tight ones, as indicators for obesity. And promoters thereof. They figure there’s a slim chance that by suppressing the way cells uptake certain proteins they may be able to stop folks from eating so much, cause they won’t feel so hungry. In the case of obesity you are what you eat and part of who you are is your genes—brown hair, brown eyes, shape of your face, and tendency to stuff your face. The receptors they wanted to target are called MCR-3 and MCR-4. In case you’re wondering MCR receptors won out over the superior Beta receptors due to the market forces of evolution. Anyhow, there’s this mutant protein that has a really long name, so let’s just call it Ted. Protein Ted binds to MCR-1, which then causes a mouse to not produce pigment. It also binds to MCR-3 and MCR-4 and prevents them from telling someone when he or she is full.
This dermatologist theorized that if he could get this drug, called Melanotan II to bind to the MCR-1 instead of Ted he’d get people to produce more tanning pigment and protect their skin from UV-caused skin cancer. Unfortunately, the drug also affected receptors MCR-3 and MCR-4.
Long story short, not only did the drug cause you to tan more, but you lost weight, and, word soon got out, it caused unexpected erections. This perked up the interest of other scientists, who tinkered with the compound and renamed it PT-141. Why they felt the necessity to name the drug after a fierce navy gunboat is a matter of some Freudian speculation. But PT-141 has caught on a lot more than the original scientist’s name offering of Melanotan-II, which, really, sounds a lot like that old cheesy product ManTan.
So scientists, many of them middle-aged nerds, are agog at what they hath wrought. A drug that makes you lose weight, gives you a better tan, and promotes Erectile function. Goodbye Ted and goodbye ED too. The perfect mid-life crisis drug. Forget about wimpy old Viagra, that’s only good if you, um, have a girlfriend, and she wants to wait around for an hour. With PT-141, you can lose weight and get a tan so you can attract someone to start with, and bonus, it only takes a half hour to kick in so you don’t keep that someone waiting. Word on the street has it the scientists are looking right now for a protein that helps you afford a red Miata convertible.
America, ya gotta love it.