1529 Hot Mags

Not long ago I was at a medical lab having some blood drawn. I had called in to arrange a physical at a doctor's office and the first thing they did was send me a form to go to a lab to get poked.
It was a nice clean place. The phlebotomist was very good. She was also friendly and commented on my last name, and unusual last names in general. "There are some really weird ones," she said. I forbore pointing out how unusual commenting on weird names was coming from someone whose profession was “phlebotomy.”
Which always sounds to me like an extremely delicate brain operation on a tiny parasite.
I noticed something interesting in the lab's waiting room. The magazines. There were the three obligatory types that seemed to go for the three stereotypical gender typecasts—Sports Illustrated for the oversexed men, Us magazine for the oversexed women and Readers Digest for those who are just over sex.
What was interesting was that the Sports Illustrated and Readers Digest copies were pristine. Well, not entirely, they were a bit dog-eared, but they had no writing on the covers. The Us magazines meanwhile, were completely disfigured by writing done with a black felt pen.
The writing, done in a loopy yet somehow angry cursive, admonished people not to steal the magazine. "Do not steal, this is the lab's copy." "Do not take this home." "Be like Carrie Underwood, do not steal." (Fortunately Carrie Underwood and not Lindsay Lohan was on the cover of this particular Us.)
So what is it about readers of gossip and petty theft? Sounds like a good scientific study right there. Maybe Us could get a grant. Or a new ad campaign.
Us doesn't steal from People. People steal Us.
America, ya gotta love it.