1297 Hair Police

It’s funny the rumors that start after a big tragedy. Like the BP oil spill. It wasn’t long before you heard of beauty salons and barber shops collecting hair.
Supposedly, hair was a great absorber of oil and Gulf clean up companies were stuffing it into old nylons and making soaking sacks. You got this image of little hair-stuffed lumpy nylon things. Not unlike Cabbage Patch dolls.
Except they were Hairpatch dolls. Going to work cleaning up the gulf. Maybe you could buy them at Christmas and send them to the Gulf and they’d come with a little card. “Hi, my name’s Suzy Oozy and I’m a super-soaker.”
It was also interesting this hair collection thing eventually expanded to a rumor that it was the law that you had to collect the hair. And they were enforcing it in beauty parlors across the land.
I don’t think so. With state budget collapses I’m guessing no one has any money for a hair police.
“Sir, I gonna have to cite you for not turning in that freshly shaved soul patch.”
“Step away from the hair pile with your hands up, lady, and now that I see you’re missing some armpit whiskers too—hand ‘em over.”
“Confess and you won’t be arrested. Where ya hiding the used Brazilian wax...”
Nor is it true that BP’s coming up with a new PR campaign to get their good name back. It’s only a rumor they’re starting the “Free Oil for Haiti” program. Although it sounds possible.
“Need oil for your cookstoves? Oil to heat your shacks? It’s yours for the taking, thanks to BP. U-Pick oil. You skim it, you keep it.
BP is floating oil your way today.
Free Hairpatch for Haiti Doll included for a limited time...”
America, ya gotta love it.