#1140 Master Breed

The other day I wrote about the guy with his dogs that had blinking red lights on them. Some sort of harness that made strobe lights go over the front part of the dogs’ torsos. My friend Rick pointed out he was still trying to get used to dogs in sweaters.
Yeah, dogs in sweaters. It says so much about our relationship with dogs. No dog I’ve ever had would tolerate a sweater. The only dog I ever saw who appeared to enjoy a sweater had a really smug look on his pug face.
More on that later.
If the good Lord had meant dogs to wear sweaters, he wouldn’t have evolved them to have fur. You may notice the average sweater-wearing creatures on this earth are buck-naked. They have neither fur, nor feathers, nor a 4-inch thick layer of lard like the other members of their pod.
If a dog needs a sweater, then he’s not as doglike as nature intended.
That may be why, as I pointed out, I’ve never seen a happy dog in a sweater. Dogs wearing sweaters are a testimony to the humanity of the dog. Because the dog is being very humane in putting up with the human. The dog is enduring the human because the dog knows that by exercising that endurance and forbearance he will cement the co-dependency relationship of his human and be able to exploit that for his food, shelter, and occasional medical needs.
Some of which involve that he also wear a lampshade for a while.
The fun part of this practice is watching dogs and humans out for a walk, like the blinking light pair the other night. The dogs were romping merrily along, tails held high, while their human trudged grumpily behind, leashes in one hand and a bag of fresh doggie doo-doo in the other.
The dogs are going, “Dude I got this human in my power. He not only makes me sparkly, he takes me for walks in the rain when the smells are really cool, and, get this, he even carries my poop.”
I believe that was the source of the smug look on the besweatered pug.
He owned his, um, “master.”
America, ya gotta love it.